Caution: the following is very personal information and used for the sake of testimony only.
Today I had to take a really big step toward solidifying my new future. I had to confirm bankruptcy in a federal hearing in front of thirty other fear-struck adults. This is going to change my educational timeline, the process I run my business through, and something I will be held to for many years. However I could not feel more delivered.
As I entered the court room I took a look around at many other people just like me. You could see the hurt, disappointment, and shame all over their faces. I smiled and said
hello to one lady but she turned away in embarrassment. I thought to myself, gee why are these people so upset?
Then it hit me why I wasn’t.
Two years ago, I left a hell behind that at times was so painful it was indescribable. One day I impulsively packed all of my things in a u-haul, bought a home I wasn’t emotionally or financially prepared for, and started life over in a matter of days. I never thoroughly processed my own decision, I just moved. One of the main reasons I stayed so long in my former prison was due to coming from childhood poverty, I had convinced myself at least I never had to worry about food or lights again, just at the cost of freedom and sanity.
I stepped out on faith but without any good deeds or intention whatsoever. I was selfish in all of my decisions and actions. I am a workaholic so I can’t say I was ever lazy but I became very self-serving and even stopped attending church to avoid my own guilt.
God physically had saved me just a few months before I moved and I took every bit of it to my own advantage.
I got myself in a heap of trouble and walked away from really good paying jobs out of pure irresponsibility and childishness. God blessed me with the ownership of my home and a great paying job and I repaid him by leaving my religion altogether and drinking so much I couldn’t even remember going out.
As life seemed to just grow darker and darker I really started to resent God for having saved me only to bring me to an even worse hell. I surrounded myself with people who affirmed I had lost my mind and we would compare battle wounds instead of doing anything to give God glory that we were still standing.
I was living completely on the edge of the unknown and uncertain. I was so lost and bitter, I’d literally pray, “Okay God thanks a lot for the freedom but how am I supposed to eat today?”
As my world was rapidly crashing in, I realized how prideful I had been. I looked back just a year into my own history and couldn’t even remember half the places I had been or people I had around me. One might say I was just healing from severe trauma but I know the truth.
I was self-medicating through alcoholism and point blank searing my own conscience with each passing day.
I knew I needed genuine change but the burden had just gotten too heavy and the sin far too thick for me to trust God to get me out.
Then one day I had another scare. One so bad I landed in the emergency room and I knew when the doctor used the words, “this is inexplainable” that God was telling me wake up.
I decided to quit accepting my losses and started seeking my promised prosperity. It took some serious soul searching and a lot of growing pains but God effortlessly made a way for me daily.
I stopped praying out of resentment and started praying out of gratitude. God informed me of the many messes I had made but he also told me he already put a plan in place if I’d just simply behave this time and follow his lead instead of forcing my own. It has taken me almost a year from that point to get to my present humble state of mind. Nevertheless he still welcomed me at the altar with open arms and harps playing gracefully!
So I walked in this morning to the courtroom with pure peace and acceptance. Satan has attempted to remind me for many months of my failures but God stomped him back to where he belonged and covered me with his love.
As the hearing began, I whispered to God thank you for bringing me this far. The trustee’s appointed attorney began to read the list of losses I was soon to face and I just smiled. You could tell she was puzzled by my calmness as she mentioned my Audi being surrendered. If you know me at all, I used to Sell for Audi and I am 100% an AudiGirl!
But all I could really think was man is God going to use this in some great way one soon day!!!
I’m not condoning bankruptcy because it really should be a last resort. Which it was for me because otherwise I was going to be homeless. But by God’s grace I get to keep my home and my businesses and honestly nothing else matters to me, my God is my treasure. It is going to take me a few extra years to finish my degree now but I’m educationally grounded because my God is my Professor. People may look at me, say I’m a mess, crazy, or confused but guess what my God is my Healer! My Protector! My Provider! And My Friend!
He’s all I need now and til the end!
I’m sharing this for one reason only.
Someone is having a bad day.
Someone is having a bad year.
Someone doesn’t see a way out.
Someone feels like giving up.
Someone has lost their faith.
I could have waited to put this in my book, I might share it there too. I could have waited to share this when SU is a world renowned ministry, as God told my mom and I both in a dream.
But I wanted to share it now. I want people to see me in my trenches so you can physically and spiritually watch my God lift me up and out!!!!!
No matter what storm you face, God says seek him in all we do and we will find him!
Be encouraged! Be blessed! Be thankful! Be HIS!! 🙏🏼💜
If this touched you in anyway, please share! Help me keep hope alive! Help me unchain the silence of many beautiful souls!
He loves you and before I go just know….
We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength! (Philippians 4:13)
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