God, Can You Hear Me?

Written 09/27/10

I know its been awhile.
Youve been waiting so patient
But i chose to stroll as the prodigal child.

You see im struggling to let go.
Ive grown to think
My perseverance n resilience
Was my point of strength.
I know others can relate. I never write so freely.
But im so wrapped in a role on stage..

When i step down I hardly recognize B.
Deep down, Im just like any other woman.
Fighting to stand
In a sinking sand placement
Of a world of vanity conflicting within man.

I keep everything one thousand.
But under my skin
wonderwoman
is still just a woman wondering
Who once was a girl
Reaching for a hand.

Too strong for a man to channel my gain
As a release to believe he could actually handle my pain.
I decided to fight the battle alone.
As I got tired of writing myself out of a happy home.

Full of dreams they all seem to leave me lonely.
Clouds rolling in bringing the rain.
While I continue to see a vision past my window pane.

But here I stay hoping.
Call it pillow talk but im feeling so lost if my mind and my heart ever agree,
me and myself are eloping.

And… God you never let me go..
No matter how far I flee,
You move me even in the runway of life As fast paced n critical as it gets.
The riches to rich Ill never forget

Counting pennies
Just to have my dollar split.
My last twenty cents
I drop onto the altar.
I cant even afford to call, but through your voice my faith can prosper.

Fame n fortune grasped at my fingertips And still only my heart has a halo to shine.
Im lost as many souls are
and I pray your plan will reveal itself in time.
People may never understand.
And as I learn to leave cat’s tracks behind.
I pray you’re with me on this journey and through these mountains I will climb.

Ive modeled sex, n yet expected a man to see me for more than a fantasy.
And to complicate the system
I listened when the prophets speak
But still approached the vanity
As my podium of victory.

An accident brings it all to a halt,
Once known for my walk
now the only thing they care to identify
is who is okay and who is at fault.
I went from living starstruck
to praying those that love me feel my
heart beat before my life was dependent upon a large truck.
When I placed my value in how they viewed me, and where ppl believed I belong..
I lost sight of my purpose and the winds current began to change my song.
Never a sell-out. N forgive me if im never anything more unique than Symply B.
The industry trains you to fake it til u make it and to the world I guarantee
God is all I want you to remember and his mercy is what you need to see.

So if I cant drive this road with him then I must step back and ask
Jesus to take the wheel.
I dont want the success or accredited happiness if my heart cant speak what I feel.
I’d rather be home, sitting alone, and people question why I quit..
Then to ever be at judgment day
n He say Brittany I forgive you
but I dont forget.
You had the chance to lead my ppl
I gave you the stage to own and the mic to spit
And as you claimed your fame
You changed the game
and never once mentioned your Father, His Son or the Holy Spirit.

© Brittany Casstevens and bCompelledtowrite, 09/27/2010
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Brittany Casstevens and bCompelledtowrite with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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